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mental block, fear of losing weight was starting to win

As some know, i have this huge mental block about losing weight, and get stupidly scared about it.

The last few weeks, i have been on self sabatarge mode, and snacking. A lot of the time I havent managed my 3 packs as well, which is terrible.

Today, when i woke up, I made a decision to not let my fear overtake me. I have no idea on what i weigh now, as my home scales are dead (must get them sorted as hubby needs to weigh daily in case he starts retaining fluid, increases of 4lb or more and he needs to call hospital). I have a feeling that i will possibly have gained this week. I am not worried about that, cant do anything about it. But I do need to get over this fear completely. I know that life wont miraculously change as soon as I fit into a size 12, but i do know that a lot of my self confidence (or lack of) is down to my concerns about my weight and how others perceive me. I am Smiley Sarah, always good for a laugh. Losing weight, well, it may mean people see me differently, will it change my personality? I dont know. But I do hope that my self confidence increases soon.

So today, 100% SS. am back in ketosis already, have been shivering all evening in a new jumper. I did some clothes shopping, some new undies as was fed up of my old ones slipping down as I walked, a new summer denim jacket i na size 18 (can almost button it, i figured I wasnt far off size 20 for jackets with my boobs shrinking), a pair of trousers and two casual tops, one in an 18, one in a 16. And the jumper i have on now. My two eldest daughters also made me buy some jewellery, which i have to say, they do have good tastes.

I get weighed tomorrow morning, am dreading it, but also looking forward to it at the same time.

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www.waitingforthecall.blogspot.com

Goal 1, lose 10% of weight to lose (8.6lb)DONE, 25/4/2007
Goal 2 lose 20% (17lb 2) DONE 16/05/2007
Goal 3 Back in my size 20 clothingDONE 09/05/07
Goal 4 Under 14stone
Goal 5 Size 18, here I come size 18 top 23/5/07 not quite size 18 bottom yet
Goal 6, lose 3 stone by the end of July, in time for childrens summer holiday
Goal 7, back to school sept, wow everyone lol!

WEEK ONE -10LB
WEEK TWO -5LB
WEEK THREE - 0LB (TOTM)
WEEK FOUR -5LB
WEEK FIVE -2LB

Bloke on LighterLife

Hi,

I’ve been on LighterLife for just over a month now and have lost 24 pounds so far … and feel great! Have lost 2 inches from my waist and 3 inches from my chest in this time.

Am doing LL with the Mrs and she has lost exactly the same, which apparently is unusual as she should be losing slowing than me.

Just thought I would say hi! There aren’t many blokes on here so I am outing myself as a LighterLife guy!

Still got some way to go but it’s going well.

Stu

MAINTENANCE
good morning everyone

Got back from hols late Sunday to pouring rain

Staying away from the scales til Saturday morning - feeling extremely podgy and bloated - haven’t quite got the hang of this holiday lark yet - ate enough to feed an army

Planning to stick to 790 this week to reverse a bit of the damage

Here’s the menu……..

Brekkie - half CD choc orange bar plus mug of coffee with half pint of skimmed milk
Lunch - CD banana tetra pak and other half of bar
Dinner - fish and steamed veggies, CD cappuccino shake made into mousse.
4/5ltrs water

I know, I know, all very boring, but sooo worth it to feel normal again
wishing you all a good and POSITIVE day

Choc’s JUDDD diary - Some background - a bit long

I’m starting an online diary to chart my progress on JUDDD and using the techniques in the Beck Diet Solution. I’ve been SS’ing off/on (more off) since Nov and in total managed to lose 2st 7lbs to 11st 7lb - my lowest weight. But gained back 9lbs - and in danger of gaining back every lb. I decided enough was enough - I’m so sick of this cycle.
Feb became my really low point in that I was made redundant in Feb, my ex who finally left me last Jan - and his fiancee of 1yr gave birth to a boy. (Complicated story but not ready to give full deatils yet) They are also planning to get married this coming August. I’ve been in an eat/binge cycle since Feb. For the last month I’ve been reading a book called Shrink yourself - Break free from emotional eating forever by Roger Gould and the Beck Diet Solution (train your brain to think like a thin person’ by Judith Beck. Both books are helping me come to terms with my emotional eating. To be honest - I’ve been in a state of limbo since Feb - and part of me felt I was going to eat my way through my problems til August - anything but admit that I’m still upset by what’s happened.
I guess last week - was a bit of a light bulb moment when I decided that I’m sick of being/playing the victim. I can’t change the events that led upto the breakup with my ex. I can’t change what’s happening in his new life. But I can change what happens to me. So I’ve started the process of ‘tieying (tying?) loose ends and getting on with my life.
However, I must add that many good things has come out of this. I got another job contracting (I work in IT) - it was something I always wanted to do - but was worried about doing - love the freedom of it. Realised how much I hated my last job and how much stress it was causing (not to mention, how it contributed to the breakdown of my relationship!). Realising that I’ve got a great support circle - my family & friends that I didn’t make the most of. Also finally being able to admit that I can’t get through this alone - that I need all the support and help I can get.
I had also planned to get on the SS wagon, but now must admit that SS hasn’t helped with my all-or-nothing thinking as far dieting is concerned. I can’t do the Paul McKenna way or any or the methods for intuitive eating - because I need some structure. So I hope that this - JUDDD, CBT and posting on this online diary will go some way to getting me there. I’m hoping that I can be honest enough to admit when things are going wrong and continue to post.

Been to Centre Parks and it is FAB !!!
Went to the longleat one , really nice even thou it was raining !

Got loads of steps in so i think i may be Superwoman LOL

Im still with Dan , even thou we havnt seen each other in days , but ive had no text to say otherwise ! has a few messages to say hope my weekend was going well , but the signal there was really bad !

We went cycling which was great …until you get off then it hurts like mad to get back on hehehe

Me and Sj had a facial and head and arm massage this morning 9am i may add !!!

But it was good , had a perscription after on what they used on us , lol mine was full of anti-aging creams hahaha

Last night we went to `the venue` for a ‘night fever’ evening , there was entertainment and a buffet and when we sat down we were given 400 (fake) dollars to play in the casino ! werent aloud to play for real money but it was still good !

I got up and danced , was dancing to `Take That ` relight my fire and a guy from a stag do statrted dancing with me , ah he was well fit ! then `shine` came on so we were twirling around on the stage !! i kissed him

the ex’s face !!! haha that was b4 i kissed fit fella !!
Well the ex called me all the names under the sun , made up some cheap story too about hearing guys talking about me in the loo’s ! talk about one sad jealous man !!

I told him to shut up cos he was jealous .Then it was getting late so i said to the kids come on lets go back , ex still had a pint left , so we got our coats on , he had already said to me i can stay and s*** ! but i got there and took the kids back first ! lol

H ekicked off when we got back to the chalet , will was gonna stay in with me and sj as rob wasnt back , but just as we were going to bed he walked in , shouting etc , so when rob went toilet will came in with us and thats how we slept .
He tried kissing me this morning , so all that about not touching me with a barge pole !!!

Anyhow i told him to get lost i wasnt intrested as he was an idiot .

We got home around 5 ish i think , dropped rob to his and said i’ll speak to him in the week about the weekend . but that was it .

OK i got to do sj’s hair , i’ll post again tomoro !

Sorry about the rant xxx__________________

Monday 14th May

I’m really cold today. Mind you I’m sitting here in a tee shirt. Probably why.

Going well diet wise. Still would be happy to just lose 9 ish pounds before June 10th. So even if I lost at a rate of 2lbs a week, I think I should manage it.

Weight loss came to a stand still at the weekend. That may be due to the fact that I rest at the weekend rather than run around like a loony getting everything done that I normally do, including the 5 miles a day walk that I have to do during the week.

Speaking of which, got about 15 minutes before I should leave the house for the next mile.

And it’s STILL raining outside.

Struggling with my body…

I’m in week 9 of LL and have lost 41lbs. I love the diet still and find it easy. The thing is that my initial target weight was 11stone. I’m only 7 lbs off that now and am by no means happy with the way I look. In fact I still repulse myself. I am in a size 14 now which is great but I have an apron which (yes I’ve measured) hangs 4 inches over the edge of my thighs, horrible lumpy uneven saggy thighs and boobs and the most revolting swinging, wobble bingo wings. In addition, after childbirth and 15 years of obesity (I’m 27) I am covered in stretchmarks.
I am using firming cream every day, body brushing, exfoliating etc but nothing is working.
I am definitely setting myself a new target weight - I had my “frame” assessed and she said I should aim at getting under 9 stone as I aparantly have a tiny frame. I have no issue staying on the diet another 3 months or whatever it takes to get there but I wondered how bad my body will look when if I get there?
Is it the case that if I get rid of every ounce of fat I will still have this horrendous overhang and bingo wings? If so what are my options in terms of surgery? I will need to start saving now and aim to have surgery I think.

lol I guess what i need is to come to terms with the fact that I have screwed my body up totally and that I will never look good naked.

Sorry I am rambling it is just really depressing me. I get such a huge buzz from getting into a size 14 skirt but then I put my swimsuit on and start crying.

How many inches have you lost?

Helens post in Brides got me thinking, I know what you’ve all lost in weight but what has everyone lost measurement wise?

I was 49, 37, 47 when I started.
I’m 38,28,38 now so going the right way!

Anyone seen a correlation between weight and inches lost?

Janey!! I can’t stop cleaning!

Hi Janey and everyone else who might be out there!
Since last week i can’t stop cleaning and de-cluttering!!
i thought maybe i was nearing the end of my days - you know the thing about making amends and sorting things out etc? But as i didn’t make any amends i realised it must be something else and then i remembered your post from a while ago - that you couldn’t stop cleaning!!
Well i can’t really complain - i have given 3 black bags full of clothes to charity, put all my shoes in clear boxes, chucked out notes from my post-grad course, chucked out/put on amazon music on audio cassettes (remember them!?). On Friday i completed blitzed my managers desk as she is off sick!
Was taking to my bro about it and he thinks its because of a change in mind set and all to do with not wanting excess in our lives - makes sense i think. Not only does it apply to food but also hoarding things!

Most embarrassing moments

I just wanted to start a discussion on the most embarrassing moments when it comes to weight. I thought maybe talking about these things will remind us all of why we are doing this incredible diet.

I’ll start with a couple.

When my college class went on trip to a disability shop, the lady was showing us all the gadjets. There was a blow up seat for in the bath. Something you sit on, deflate so you can sit in the bath, and then inflate when you want to get out again. She said it will hold all weights….. it goes to 20 stone you know! She looked at me and said have a go. Well I knew I weighed 23 stone and went red. I said no and she kept pushing me. I almost cried. That was a horrid feeling.

When I started at Debenhams when I was 16, I was a size 28 and I remember them dishing out the uniforms… the lady bought out a size 24 and asked if anyone needed it. One girl asked what is 24? Another girl answered.. “you know its like 14, 16, 18″ and this girl looked in horror. OMG! Do they make those sizes! I had to stay back and tell the lady my size quietly. Again… so horrid.

My last one (cos i could go on with these stories) was when I was in my performing arts group and we had to get the costumes. We had a budget. We all went to primark to get skirts and tops. Well Primark does an 18 - 20 as their biggest size and not a generous fit either. I couldnt fit into anything and i was so upset. I told the tutor I needed to get mine from Evans and she said id have to buy my own instead.
Just Horrid.

Now I know why I am doing this!!!!

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- 21 St - done
- 20 St - done
- 19 St - done
- 18 St
- 17 St

To be a confident bridesmaid
To be lighter than my fella
To get into my favourite Tommy Hilfiger Jeans